You type what you are looking for in the box in the middle of the Google.com page and hit enter. Choices will come up and you can click on the ones that look the most promising. If you don't find what you are looking for, think about what else you could add or subtract to your search field to narrow the results in the direction that you are looking. Try it, it's fun!
/sarcasm.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
FML!
On September 7th, the planet Mercury entered its retrograde cycle, which About.Astrology.com tells me means:
"The purpose of Mercury retrograde is to review and revise our life and our connection with reality. The timing of this universe is geared toward the Sun as it moves through the zodiac. Mercury has an orbit that at times gets ahead of the Sun allowing us to look into the future toward new and innovative ideas. However, we cannot continue in that vein until we come back to the present designated by the Sun and put our new ideas into manifestation. During the time that Mercury jumps ahead, we ultimately have to bring the ideas back into the present to test and evaluate to see how they fit into our life. As Mercury retrogrades back into the present, the connection with the Sun happens as we test drive our ideas and re-align with reality and the natural timing of the universe."
It sounds all nice and wonderful, mainly that I'll have time to reexamine my life and make positive changes. Great! Yeah, not so much. In practice it means crappy stuff that pisses you off happens all the time. Latest shining example? Getting from Point A to B without becoming a sweaty mess is now impossible.
Last night Phil Beickler hosted a potluck at his apartment. I drove up there. My car had been doing this kind of odd little cough before starting, but it always started up immediately so I was concerned but not worried. Well, the battery died while I was up at Beicklers, so first we tried to jump it from pushing (which was hilarious), then some random Nigerian in the parking lot tried to jump it for us, which also failed, then I at last found someone with jumper cables who was able to get the car started. I drove it back and left it charging in my parking lot for an hour. I sat in the car and pirated wireless from my neighbors.
This morning I decided not to mess around with the car, so I decided to take my bike, which has been sitting on my porch all summer. It was hideously dusty, so I wiped it down with paper towels. It is so dry right now outside that the damp paper towels I was using dried out before I finished! Thanks a lot, desert! I also had to pump up the tires, which were flat. Fine, did that. Then, when I was taking my bike down the stairs I caught the back of my heel on the pedals, which ripped a large part of skin about the size of a dime off the back of my heel. OUCH. It stings like a mofo and I bled like a stuck pig all the way to CCC class.
I come out of class to discover that my back bike tire is COMPLETELY flat. I rode the rim all the way back to the apartment with a bloody heel. I got back to discover Caroline eating lunch on the couch, who proceeded to make a HUGE deal out of my bleeding and tried to make me feel better by trying to console me, baby the injury and generally be really, really nice. Now, if anyone who is anyone knows me, they should know that I detest making a big deal out of injuries, in fact I would rather just deal with it myself. Furthermore, if I am in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mood it is best to just leave me alone to deal with it rather than attempt to be overly accommodating, which I immediately pick up on, which just makes me angrier. A lot of slamming of objects seemed to calm down the babying, for which I was thankful.
I used rubbing alcohol to wipe off the blood and sprayed the area liberally with Bactine spray. I now have a nice, pink Hello Kitty bandaid on there and it feels much better.
I return to my original topic, which was up yours, Mercury Retrograde! You think you can cow me? I don't think so! For all you people taking notes, retrograde ends on Sept. 29th, so its days are numbered!
"The purpose of Mercury retrograde is to review and revise our life and our connection with reality. The timing of this universe is geared toward the Sun as it moves through the zodiac. Mercury has an orbit that at times gets ahead of the Sun allowing us to look into the future toward new and innovative ideas. However, we cannot continue in that vein until we come back to the present designated by the Sun and put our new ideas into manifestation. During the time that Mercury jumps ahead, we ultimately have to bring the ideas back into the present to test and evaluate to see how they fit into our life. As Mercury retrogrades back into the present, the connection with the Sun happens as we test drive our ideas and re-align with reality and the natural timing of the universe."
It sounds all nice and wonderful, mainly that I'll have time to reexamine my life and make positive changes. Great! Yeah, not so much. In practice it means crappy stuff that pisses you off happens all the time. Latest shining example? Getting from Point A to B without becoming a sweaty mess is now impossible.
Last night Phil Beickler hosted a potluck at his apartment. I drove up there. My car had been doing this kind of odd little cough before starting, but it always started up immediately so I was concerned but not worried. Well, the battery died while I was up at Beicklers, so first we tried to jump it from pushing (which was hilarious), then some random Nigerian in the parking lot tried to jump it for us, which also failed, then I at last found someone with jumper cables who was able to get the car started. I drove it back and left it charging in my parking lot for an hour. I sat in the car and pirated wireless from my neighbors.
This morning I decided not to mess around with the car, so I decided to take my bike, which has been sitting on my porch all summer. It was hideously dusty, so I wiped it down with paper towels. It is so dry right now outside that the damp paper towels I was using dried out before I finished! Thanks a lot, desert! I also had to pump up the tires, which were flat. Fine, did that. Then, when I was taking my bike down the stairs I caught the back of my heel on the pedals, which ripped a large part of skin about the size of a dime off the back of my heel. OUCH. It stings like a mofo and I bled like a stuck pig all the way to CCC class.
I come out of class to discover that my back bike tire is COMPLETELY flat. I rode the rim all the way back to the apartment with a bloody heel. I got back to discover Caroline eating lunch on the couch, who proceeded to make a HUGE deal out of my bleeding and tried to make me feel better by trying to console me, baby the injury and generally be really, really nice. Now, if anyone who is anyone knows me, they should know that I detest making a big deal out of injuries, in fact I would rather just deal with it myself. Furthermore, if I am in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mood it is best to just leave me alone to deal with it rather than attempt to be overly accommodating, which I immediately pick up on, which just makes me angrier. A lot of slamming of objects seemed to calm down the babying, for which I was thankful.
I used rubbing alcohol to wipe off the blood and sprayed the area liberally with Bactine spray. I now have a nice, pink Hello Kitty bandaid on there and it feels much better.
I return to my original topic, which was up yours, Mercury Retrograde! You think you can cow me? I don't think so! For all you people taking notes, retrograde ends on Sept. 29th, so its days are numbered!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Mysteriously Ground Poultry
My friend Judy gave me this fabulous turkey chili recipe that I regularly make with great success. The recipe is so good that I have passed it on to others who have found it similarly yummy (perhaps the greatest success was my friend Jeff then enabling our friend Carey as well). The base meat is ground turkey, which I usually find at Trader Joe's in the meat section. The other day Caroline and I went to TJ's to restock for the start of the school year, and I decided to grab 1 lb of ground turkey so I could make a nice batch of chili and then leave it in the fridge for easy dinners for the rest of the week.
Fast forward to last night, when I actually made the chili. The first step is to saute up the onions and garlic, then add the meat and cook all the way through. Ground beef, turkey, lamb and ostrich all cook down nicely to those perfect little tiny meat globules that one wants in a sloppy joe, bobotie, shepherd's pie and chili consistency. The joy of dishes such as these is that all the flavors are pleasantly balanced and present in your mouth whilst eating. As I am cooking the meat, I discover that it is not separating nicely but rather is cooking into solid chunks of white meat. Cooked ground turkey is a darker color, so I rather quickly suss out that I am in fact making a ground CHICKEN chili instead. Dammit! The end result was ok, but the flavor was not as complex and the stupid chunks of ground chicken add a slightly off texture to the chili.
I don't understand why Trader Joe's stocks the ground chicken next to the ground turkey, as the uncooked meat is the same color but the end result is very different. Additionally, who the hell uses ground chicken in the first place? The only possible use I could come up with is chicken burgers, which can be purchased pre-made from Trader Joe's in a delicious chili lime flavor that are far superior to any hand shaped varieties. So thanks a lot, Trader Joe's, for ruining Judy's chili recipe. I'll think twice before acquiring any ground poultry from you.
Fast forward to last night, when I actually made the chili. The first step is to saute up the onions and garlic, then add the meat and cook all the way through. Ground beef, turkey, lamb and ostrich all cook down nicely to those perfect little tiny meat globules that one wants in a sloppy joe, bobotie, shepherd's pie and chili consistency. The joy of dishes such as these is that all the flavors are pleasantly balanced and present in your mouth whilst eating. As I am cooking the meat, I discover that it is not separating nicely but rather is cooking into solid chunks of white meat. Cooked ground turkey is a darker color, so I rather quickly suss out that I am in fact making a ground CHICKEN chili instead. Dammit! The end result was ok, but the flavor was not as complex and the stupid chunks of ground chicken add a slightly off texture to the chili.
I don't understand why Trader Joe's stocks the ground chicken next to the ground turkey, as the uncooked meat is the same color but the end result is very different. Additionally, who the hell uses ground chicken in the first place? The only possible use I could come up with is chicken burgers, which can be purchased pre-made from Trader Joe's in a delicious chili lime flavor that are far superior to any hand shaped varieties. So thanks a lot, Trader Joe's, for ruining Judy's chili recipe. I'll think twice before acquiring any ground poultry from you.
Friday, August 21, 2009
RMB Means Really Mothertrucking-useless Bucks
When I left China I ended up having about 250RMB with me. I figured this was no big deal since I could give the money to my mom, who visits China every year in the fall to celebrate her mother's birthday. I left the RMB with my dad in South Africa so he could give it to her when she got back from her summer in the US since she would be flying to China in November from Johannesburg. Well, my grandmother's passing last week really threw a loop into those plans, as my mom ended up flying to China from Vermont for the funeral. She doesn't plan to go back for many years, especially considering there is a 3 year prohibition on visiting the grave site (Chinese tradition). So, my poor mom is in China and she can't visit her mom's grave AND she can't visit anyone elseSU's house because of the recent death in the family. From what I understand, there is a concern about bringing the taint of death to others.
So, getting back to my problem of RMB, I decided I would just exchange the RMB into South African Rand so I wouldn't have to hit up the ATM again in Cape Town (I get charged a fee for every ATM use). Well, it turns out no one in South Africa accepts RMB. China, you continue to be the bane of my existence! It's not like I"m rolling up with a wheelbarrow of Zimbabwean dollars! I'm going to try to exchange at JFK if I can, otherwise maybe I can pawn them off onto a Chinese student at T-bird. ARGH, stupid China and your stupid non-convertible currency!!
So, getting back to my problem of RMB, I decided I would just exchange the RMB into South African Rand so I wouldn't have to hit up the ATM again in Cape Town (I get charged a fee for every ATM use). Well, it turns out no one in South Africa accepts RMB. China, you continue to be the bane of my existence! It's not like I"m rolling up with a wheelbarrow of Zimbabwean dollars! I'm going to try to exchange at JFK if I can, otherwise maybe I can pawn them off onto a Chinese student at T-bird. ARGH, stupid China and your stupid non-convertible currency!!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Subtlety FAIL
My boss has a nasty habit of ragging on his ex-wife. This guy got divorced 5 years ago and he still complains about her all the time in the workplace. I find this inappropriate, rude, juvenile and just plain annoying. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that he is currently engaged to a lovely woman who is intelligent and kind. He really needs to let the hate for his ex-wife go and focus on the positive.
This morning I was in the kitchen getting my cereal ready along with one of our IT guys. My boss comes in to make some coffee and realizes the hot water pitcher is empty. The IT guy had just used it up.
"Oh," my boss snarked, "You're one of those people who doesn't refill the pitcher, hunh?"
"Nope," the IT guy responded. Hah, he's a funny one. He left. My boss then turned to me and says,
"Guess he doesn't get subtlety. My 'darling' ex-wife didn't get subtlety either." I said nothing in response. After a few seconds he asks, "So, no response?"
"I'm keeping out of this one," I replied.
WTF seriously dude? There's no need to be rude. Just say, "Hey, IT guy, next time you empty the pitcher could you please refill it?" Simple, sweet and to the point. And let your hatred go for your ex-wife. It will color your new relationship and your lovely fiancee deserves better. According to one of the consultants at my company, the boss disparages his ex-wife in front of customers/clients as well, which I think is in seriously bad taste.
This morning I was in the kitchen getting my cereal ready along with one of our IT guys. My boss comes in to make some coffee and realizes the hot water pitcher is empty. The IT guy had just used it up.
"Oh," my boss snarked, "You're one of those people who doesn't refill the pitcher, hunh?"
"Nope," the IT guy responded. Hah, he's a funny one. He left. My boss then turned to me and says,
"Guess he doesn't get subtlety. My 'darling' ex-wife didn't get subtlety either." I said nothing in response. After a few seconds he asks, "So, no response?"
"I'm keeping out of this one," I replied.
WTF seriously dude? There's no need to be rude. Just say, "Hey, IT guy, next time you empty the pitcher could you please refill it?" Simple, sweet and to the point. And let your hatred go for your ex-wife. It will color your new relationship and your lovely fiancee deserves better. According to one of the consultants at my company, the boss disparages his ex-wife in front of customers/clients as well, which I think is in seriously bad taste.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Ugh, China, Again
I just got an email from my mother telling me that my Chinese grandmother passed away about an hour and a half ago. She was 90 years old and would have been 91 in October. We knew that my grandmother's health had recently taken a turn for the worse, and my mom had just purchased a ticket to go to China next week to see her. I don't really know what's going to happen with that now.
Anyway, the reason for this update is because I have a strong suspicion that my grandmother could have lived on for quite a while with some holistic treatment such as acupuncture or acupressure. Her symptoms were spine pain and difficulty talking, both of which can be successfully addressed with traditional Chinese medicine. Unfortunately, the relatives who live with her are cursed with a typical Chinese fatalistic attitude. Their feeling was that if it's her time to die, it's her time to die. I'm certainly not advocating for keeping someone alive in a reduced and painful state--not at all. My point is that she was uncomfortable and in pain and they didn't even bother to fucking do anything about it. It's not like we wanted them to put her in the hospital and get a tube down her throat and machines everywhere. We just wanted to see if we could get her back to a level of health where she could move around and get out of bed. My grandmother had a health scare a couple of years ago that was similar, back pain and inability to eat/talk and once again my #3 uncle did jack shit about it. My mom had to call her niece who is a nurse and make the niece's boyfriend (who is a doctor in Shenzhen) bring an IV to the house and hook up my grandmother. Luckily my grandmother recovered from that.
I'm pissed because I feel like this was a waste. My grandmother lived through all the shit that China put her through in the last century, period of warlordism in the 20's, the Nationalists and the Japanese invasion in the 30's, the Communists in the 40's and 50's and then all that additional shit like famines, Great Leap Forward, Cultural Revolution, etc. She had 7 children. She and her husband (and 1st son) WALKED to Hong Kong during the Cultural Revolution because there was no food or work in the village. My grandfather worked as coolie on the docks for a while and then they fucking WALKED back to our village. This village is about 350 kilometers from Hong Kong. She survived all of this against the odds and now she's dead because her stupid fatalistic son wouldn't get off his ass to try to do anything about it.
I was so upset when I got the news from my mom that I went and cried in the ladies room, which was a mini-fatwa in itself because the cleaning lady was mopping the floor and had blocked off the door. There wasn't anywhere else for me to cry on our floor, however, so I just barged in and sat in the 1st stall that has a nice, roomy feel and let it out. The cleaning lady gave me a really dirty look, too. But, come on, lady, it's business hours! Please don't block off the bathroom when there's a time that people will come in! I know she comes in early; I've seen her in there around 7am so she could have done it then. For the first time, though, I was glad that South Africa is obsessed with those European-style toilet rooms, not stalls, You can totally block off from the world in there.
Anyway, the reason for this update is because I have a strong suspicion that my grandmother could have lived on for quite a while with some holistic treatment such as acupuncture or acupressure. Her symptoms were spine pain and difficulty talking, both of which can be successfully addressed with traditional Chinese medicine. Unfortunately, the relatives who live with her are cursed with a typical Chinese fatalistic attitude. Their feeling was that if it's her time to die, it's her time to die. I'm certainly not advocating for keeping someone alive in a reduced and painful state--not at all. My point is that she was uncomfortable and in pain and they didn't even bother to fucking do anything about it. It's not like we wanted them to put her in the hospital and get a tube down her throat and machines everywhere. We just wanted to see if we could get her back to a level of health where she could move around and get out of bed. My grandmother had a health scare a couple of years ago that was similar, back pain and inability to eat/talk and once again my #3 uncle did jack shit about it. My mom had to call her niece who is a nurse and make the niece's boyfriend (who is a doctor in Shenzhen) bring an IV to the house and hook up my grandmother. Luckily my grandmother recovered from that.
I'm pissed because I feel like this was a waste. My grandmother lived through all the shit that China put her through in the last century, period of warlordism in the 20's, the Nationalists and the Japanese invasion in the 30's, the Communists in the 40's and 50's and then all that additional shit like famines, Great Leap Forward, Cultural Revolution, etc. She had 7 children. She and her husband (and 1st son) WALKED to Hong Kong during the Cultural Revolution because there was no food or work in the village. My grandfather worked as coolie on the docks for a while and then they fucking WALKED back to our village. This village is about 350 kilometers from Hong Kong. She survived all of this against the odds and now she's dead because her stupid fatalistic son wouldn't get off his ass to try to do anything about it.
I was so upset when I got the news from my mom that I went and cried in the ladies room, which was a mini-fatwa in itself because the cleaning lady was mopping the floor and had blocked off the door. There wasn't anywhere else for me to cry on our floor, however, so I just barged in and sat in the 1st stall that has a nice, roomy feel and let it out. The cleaning lady gave me a really dirty look, too. But, come on, lady, it's business hours! Please don't block off the bathroom when there's a time that people will come in! I know she comes in early; I've seen her in there around 7am so she could have done it then. For the first time, though, I was glad that South Africa is obsessed with those European-style toilet rooms, not stalls, You can totally block off from the world in there.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
How Do You Spell Indian Buffet? "R-O-L-A-I-D-S" or How I Got "Chamberlain'd" into a Stomach Ache
Today, the esteemed members of my partnership decided that it was time to bypass the putrid swill in our dining hall (seriously, we get the LOWEST quality ARAMARK caf service; I know its the lowest because I just reviewed our P&L distributions this year. A little research by my main man google, and voila, ARAMARK pricing and we are bottom-fucking-tier) and sail away from the friendly Irish shores of our favorite pub Mollie's. Needless to stay, I fully supported a little adventuring and was pretty excited to see what other culinary delights are hidden amongst the financial institutions, shoe-shine locales and men's clothing stores that dominate Midtown Manhattan.
As we met to decide our locale I should have noticed the storm gathering; specifically the Indian monsoon that was abrewin'. Led by Abhishek "Naan" Sud, the idea of hitting the Indian Buffet was quickly proffered and accepted by everyone -- everyone except yours truly. Let me start by saying this: Indian food is delicious and I thoroughly enjoy it. I do not, however, enjoy Indian food when it has been sitting and coagulating in a metal tray for many hours (how they feed so many people on the sub-continent without leading the world in antacid technology, I do not know). And today, I believe we reached record levels of oozing and discoloration. I'm a team player, so I went ahead and delved into this contemptible mess. Let me tell you, it was as bad as I thought it would be, maybe even a bit worse.
The end result of this ridiculousness: I spent an entire afternoon with stomach churn that was about 10x what Ginger got from her ill timed gastronomic backflips in her last post. What really fucking "grinds my gears," to steal a line from a GREAT Family Guy episode, was that this little foray into that shitbox was PREVENTABLE. Abhishek is Inidan and his wife is Indian. This fucktard eats Indian EVERY-GODDAMN-DAY. And yet, he feels like we do not support his ethnic food of choice because we like to go to a chill bar right by us when we go out and he won't get over it. You know what? THAT'S FUCKING LIFE. We have had the same ongoing debate about cricket as well; it's a pussy sport and he needs to accept that but until the world has kow-tow'd to the greatness that is Indian culture, it won't be enough. Putting that aside, we have also been to this place before, IT SUCKS DONKEY DICK. We all knew it, but because there is nothing else and everyone decided to get their Neville Chamberlain on (because he will whine and whine and whine), we got stuck going there.
There will be no next time for this guy. As Eric Cartman was once so fond of saying: "Fuck you guys, I'm going home..." That is the only response to the stupidity that I am dealing with. By the way, my stomach settled down, finally, at about 4am. Thanks Indian Buffet, you're shittiness may only be surpassed by my desire to burn you to the ground (though the coagulated trays of food are probably a great fire retardant).
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