Cold Summers are like Cold Showers

I love you New York, I really and truly do; so much so, in fact, that this is my 6th consecutive summer on an island that is 12 miles long. I do not, however, enjoy the fact that it is June 20 and I still have my sweaters out because its too cold not to. Now, this will not kill me a la whacked out minibus drivers in SA, however, it is as annoying as a cold shower and i'm declaring a "non-religious-hence-no-one-from-my-bahraini-based-firm-should-pay-any-mind" fatwa against cold new york summers.

Wacky Wednesday

My work schedule is ridiculous regimented and annoying. I get up at 5:40am and leave the house by 6:10am. My dad and I drive from Fourways, which is a suburb in northwest Johannesburg, and drive to his office in Woodmead, which is a suburb in northeast Johannesburg. I then drop him off and continue on to my office in Sandton, which is south of Woodmead. I work from 7-4, then go back to Woodmead and go to the gym. At 6pm, my father and I depart his office and drive back to Fourways, where we eat dinner, clean up, watch an episode of House and then my dad goes to be at 9:30. I usually force myself to go to bed around 10:30 or 11pm, as I can't fall asleep any earlier. Thus, today's first fatwa is on regimented schedules.

As South Africa is a developing country, there is still a large population of urban poor who cannot afford to own their own car and must rely on a form of group transport, the minibus. Minibus drivers always drive beat up Toyota Siyaya vans which seat fifteen plus one passenger up front. There is a complicated system of hand signals which passengers use to flag down buses and indicate their destination; most hand signals are highly colloquial. Fares are on the basis of whether or not your Zulu is colloquial enough to make the driver think you know what you're doing. The minibus taxis would be a great resource with the exception of their extreme danger. Most white South Africans tell me that you'll get robbed or knifed on the minibus, which is unlikely. You will, however, be putting your life at risk to get into a horrible auto accident. Most minibuses are rented, so drivers have little incentive to keep up maintenance or even care about a dent or minor fender bender. Minibuses are notorious for taking as many road shortcuts as possible (i.e. driving on the right if traffic one way is slow, going the short way around the rotary [which happened this morning]) as well as stopping and starting randomly in traffic to pick up passengers. They also take turns indiscriminately from any lane and are in general a menace to society. So, today, I declare fatwa on dangerous minibus taxi drivers, especially given that I almost got hit by two on the way to work, one going the wrong way in the rotary by my house and the other who cut me off during a right-hand turn.

Italian Soccer Players = Thumbs Down

Team USA lost in a hard-fought match to Italy in last night's Confederations Cup game. The final score was 3-1. Two of the goals were scored by Giuseppe Rossi, a New Jersey born Italian American who has decided to play for Italy instead of USA. Bastardo! I curse you, Rossi! May your unnaturally glossy locks fall out and your overblown machismo wither!

So declared!

Since Matt won't let me buy the domain www.efatwa.info, I've decided to create a blog where we can all declare our comedic fatwas as so desired.

So today I am declaring an efatwa on:

1. American Airlines, who still has not delivered my luggage with all my winter clothes to Santiago.
2. The puppy that peed on my only sweater in Santiago.

I would also like to say that I bought a sweater tonight at Zara for $25. Now that doesn't sound so bad except I bought the same sweater in Mexico in January for $12.

I hope you all will find some pleasure in this blog and contribute frequently!